I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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