she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
