is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we should paint friendship bongs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
