sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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