Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
