So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
