she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
