You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
