After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
