you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
