help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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