all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize