She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need water and some morals
Randomize
