So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
