Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
