my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
