He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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