Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
