Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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