sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
