After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
