Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I FOUND THE LEGS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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