they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
