hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
