it was like eating out sand paper
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
