what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
