i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
