That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
