she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
