i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
