Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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