How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
