conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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