I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
