look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
