Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
