I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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