i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
