do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize