dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my being single is dangerous.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
