and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
