So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
