You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
