I think i peed on brittanys purse
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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