let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
