Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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