So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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