she woke up with a sticky ear
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
