Three words: puerto rican gang bang
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
