Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
