me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
