You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
