I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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