I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
