I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
