you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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