Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
