I'm so fucking centered right now
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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