Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
