I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
