Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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