the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
