im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize