My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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