You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
