i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
