I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
