No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
